Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Thursday, August 26, 2010

My Life Story (Part One)

I figured its been long enough and now I can share a little bit about my life.

First, I want to give you a little warning. It may seem at times, that I am being cavalier. I'm not. I've gone through more in my 24 years on this planet than more have in an entire lifetime. If I don't laugh it off and give it to God, I would lose my mind (more than I already have).

I was born to a 21 year old Mom (AV), and 25 year old Dad (R). It has been said that the marriage was a mistake. My mom got married to get out of the house. She had to get away from very strict Italian parents. R, well that's a different story. From what I remember, he wasn't all that bad.

I have some good memories. I remember he used to pick me up and put me on top of the refrigerator, and I would laugh and laugh. I would be scared, but I knew he wouldn't let anything bad happen to me. Or atleast that's what I thought.

You see, my father was physically abusive to my mom. He started getting violent when my mom was about 4 months pregnant with me. My uncle had passed away and apparently he just lost it. He was so upset that his 'baby girl' wouldn't get to meet her uncle, that he never stopped to think that his upcoming actions would be the reason he would never be in her life past the age of 10.

While my father was physically and mentally abusive, my mom had something else to deal with. Her mom. My grandma. My Nonna. The woman who taught me how to make homemade dough for pizza. She was still practicing the Catholic faith at the time. Good Catholic Italians DON'T get divorced. Even if your husband is doing drugs and beating you. So my mom stayed.

My mom stayed for a total of 8 years or so. She tried everything. Moved into new houses, buying different cars, nothing worked. In a last ditch effort, we moved to South Carolina. I'm pretty vague as to why, but that's where we went. It is here that the story took a turn for the worse.

While I remember my mom going to the hospital at the hand of my father even when we lived in Long Island, this was unbearable. I remember it like it happened 20 minutes ago. I was 7. Mom and I were making steaks. We sat down to eat. He passed a comment that it didn't taste how he was used to and Mom said 'Oh well.' He freaked out. Apparently, the bottle of wine consumed prior to dinner, was just enough to throw him in the wrong direction. Here's where little Amanda comes in. I stood up and told him not to hit my mom. He pointed his steak knife at me and told me he wished I choked on my steak and died.

Later that night, I asked my mom a question in the way only an innocent child could. I asked her when she was going to leave that idiot. That night we ended up in a battered woman and children's home.
We made our way back to NY in a little under a month. There was a divorce and court ordered supervised visitation. That only lasted a few months. Needless to say, there was very little contact after I turned 9.

More to come...Tennessee, Florida, Tennessee, and New York.

Just know that I'm still here. I know how much God loves me. I know that I wouldn't give up anything I have ever gone through. These things made me who I am.

Here is the silver lining from Pompano Beach, July 4th, 2005.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Hold Me Now

It's still raining in the city and I love it.

I would like you to listen to this song. I love it. It is an uplifting song. Anyone who has ever felt alone, sad, and like life is too hard will understand the loving nature of God. This song reminds me that I am not alone, I should be happy, and even though life maybe hard it could be hard for me to turn to God and lean on him.

Happy Listening!

Monday, August 23, 2010

UP, UP and...well UP!

I recently saw UP and loved it. I know it's a children's movie and I don't care. It was a little reminder that sometimes, you just need to dream. It made me realize that even if your plans don't happen exactly how you thought they would, you will have some awesome stories to tell in the end.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Lilly Love

I have a fascination with lilies. Specifically, stargazer lilies.

Check out these pictures. I actually planted these beauties:

I like the odd angle and the little white fence seems so far away.

I actually broke off the flower (bad Amanda, very bad) and placed it on the ground. I love the contrast with the rocks and twigs.

This is the flower that ended up on the ground. (Don't worry, it made its way to a vase)

Another odd angle that just worked. I love the blurred background.

I just felt the need to take a step back and virtually "smell the roses!"

And on a different note, BBQ is this Saturday at Peaches house in Long Island. Can't wait! Pictures soon!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Birthday Love

Well, today is my 24th birthday. It started with a text from my wonderful boyfriend M wishing me a great day, even though I would see him in about 2 hours at work. This was quickly followed by my mommy calling me and singing Happy Birthday to me. It was sweet. I thanked her for going through labor. Makes total sense right? She was there too.

I was also pleasantly surprised when I logged into facebook to find so many friends had sent their wishes my way. The cutest being my younger sister A, wishing me a "Merry Birthday!" Gotta love the squish!

I somehow made myself go to work only to find that Peaches, had left the most glorious surprise on my desk: GUMMY BEARS!!! oh, and flowers, but gummy bears will get you everywhere in my book. I was so touched that it almost brought me to tears.

Check out the pretty flowers:

Look at that Gerber Daisy in all her glory.

Happy Birthday to all the Leo's out there!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Perks of Being a Wallflower Quote

"I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't."

~Charlie, Perks of Being a Wallflower

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Corporate Life

Beware: This is a rant really meant for no one but myself. You were warned.

I have a love hate relationship with my corporate job.

On one hand, I love the fact that normally no one bothers me.

On the other, I hate the fact that I am always being watched.

I am not a big fan of micromanaging. There are many successful, self employed, work from home professionals. I understand the need for structure. I believe in the need for organization. What I don’t agree with is the need to show your feathers. We are not peacocks, right?

I feel like a number. I know that if I left, the company would survive. I’m not that delusional. I do know, however, that I am good at my job. I have passion. Maybe too much…

I might have a slight problem with authority. My problem is that authority figures in my general vicinity happen to be slightly idiotic. I am not their child, but I seem to digress when I am around them. I feel the need to ask ‘why’ a lot. I’ve never been one to enjoy the ‘because I said so’ answer.

How’s this…

I hate being at this job 80% of the time. Why, well that would be because I said so.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Johnny Stecchino

I must admit. I am a sucker for that movie. A wonderful thing happened this morning. I found it on Youtube. The WHOLE thing.

My favorite part of the movie is here, starting at 7:15. I love the shaking, it cracks me up every time. Check out the summary for more info here.

On a different note, I bought myself some flowers at the grocery store. I love stargazer lilies.

The picture turned out really well. Like you can reach out and actually touch the fuzziness.

Friday, August 13, 2010


Trust. That’s a big 5 letter word. Trust varies. Trusting in yourself is the most important talent to have. I think we lie to ourselves more than others. Self preservation baby. Who wants to hurt themselves?

I have decided to trust myself to make mistakes. I know this to be true:

God speaks to me. Sometimes, it is a whisper that I ignore. Sometimes, it’s a rock thrown in my direction. Yet, I still don’t respond. Once the whisper and rock fail, God whacks me over the head with the nearest crowbar or tire iron. It is only then, that I will listen.

My goal is to trust myself to listen to the whispers. No need to get the black eye from being stubborn.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Storms Roll In

There is something calming about an imminent thunderstorm.

Walking to work this morning, something strange happened. I noticed the eclectic architecture of some of the buildings I passed. That, combined with the gray-black clouds rolling in, was magical.

Here is the view from the Empire State Building that I took about a month ago when my sister was here on vacation. Enjoy the view!

Now I'll put an arrow pointing to where I work....

I am so lucky to be able to work in such an iconic location. You can spot that golden top from miles around! Today was a day to be thankful for what God has allowed me to be a part of. Only challenge today...being at work instead of curled up at home with a good book listening to the thunder roll in.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


I want to be inspired. I want to inspire. I want to show that I am grateful.

Today, I am grateful that I am creative. Today, I realize I live in a world where challenges will come, but I have the power to take it!

Today, I am grateful that I live in a world that allows me the luxury to express myself.


I am Amanda. This will be my blog. I will jot down whatever ramblings come out of my crazy head. I want to do something crazy.....I WANT TO LIVE LIFE!!